...of my cell phone.

Who in the heck let me have a cell phone?
Seriously.

April 2008: My Samsung slider was the first of a long string of bad luck with cell phones. I lost it in Palo Alto, Calif., after about six gallons of Jager and eight bottles of Guiness. To this day, I swear someone stole it from me...however I was constantly reassured that no one would even want a phone as un-cool as my Samsung slider.

August 2008: Then there was my teal LG slider. I thought it looked hip because it had a full keyboard. Evidently the toilet I flushed it down liked the sleek look of my LG as well. Word to the wise: don't even attempt to reach in and grab your fallen cell phone from an automatic-flushing toilet. The water's rush will take the phone from you and spit toilet juice all over your arm. Gross.

January 2009: Next was another teal LG slider. Don't trust a one year old with a glass of wine. That's all I'm saying. Wine is some sticky shit.

I've had my pretty little Blackberry for a few months now. Although it hasn't been lost, flushed, or drenched, it tends to send a ton of drunk text messages. It's also been known to give it's number to lame-o men in it's drunken frenzies. Blackberry takes loads of embarrassing pictures, too. Two nights ago, it thought it would be fun to tell my ex-boyfriend where to stick it.

If something happens to Blackberry, I'm giving up on cell phones for good. Calling cards and pay phones are probably my best bet. It's a little hard to give random guys my numbers if the only way to reach me is through a pay phone...